How To Make Him Want To Invest In You

There are many reasons why a man might invest in a woman, and it's important to understand the nuances of this dynamic. While good sex is often a factor, there are several other elements that contribute to a man's investment in a relationship. According to Caryl Rusbult's model of investment, key indicators include the belief that the rewards of a relationship outweigh the costs, the availability of other options, and the amount of resources invested in the relationship.

In heterosexual relationships, the dynamic often involves the man bringing home a paycheck while the woman cares for the home. This traditional arrangement creates a mutually beneficial partnership where both parties depend on each other to make the relationship work.

However, it's crucial to note that simply doing things for a man or investing in him upfront does not necessarily lead to attraction. In fact, it can sometimes result in being taken for granted or even friend-zoned. Instead, it's important to create a balance of value and investment, where both parties contribute equally to the relationship and their needs are met.

Additionally, it's worth mentioning that the term investment in this context refers to any act of caring or adding value to one's life and well-being, requiring the expenditure of effort, time, or resources. This could include initiating calls or texts, driving them places, listening attentively, or making an effort to impress.

Ultimately, the key to getting a man to invest in a relationship is to become the Most Valuable Partner (MVP). This involves identifying ways to increase relational satisfaction, subtly reminding your partner of your appreciation while communicating your needs, and ensuring that your partner not only wants but also needs you in their life.

Be the MVP (Most Valuable Partner)

The investment model of relationships suggests that individuals will seek outside "investment opportunities" when they become unhappy at home. The goal is to make your partner not only want you but also need you to a certain degree. In heterosexual relationships, this dynamic is most evident when the man (husband) is responsible for bringing home the paycheck, and the woman (wife) uses the money to care for the home.

In a business partnership, each party has a set of duties that benefit the other, and the relationship is mutually beneficial. In these terms, what makes a partnership desirable to an investor is the potential for an attractive return on investment.

• Identify ways to increase satisfaction in the relationship: Relational satisfaction is a major drawing point for staying together. Think of ways to contribute to making both you and your partner more satisfied. This can lead to great pillow talk and a hot and heavy session in the sack.
• Subtly remind your partner of the ways you appreciate them while communicating your needs: For example, if you desire more quality time, you could say, "Babe, I love how you work so hard to take care of me, but it would mean a lot if we could have a date night next week."
• Ask your partner what more you can do to make them happy: A simple question like, "What can I do more to make you happy in this relationship?" can go a long way.
• Understand each other's love languages: Recognize that people express love in different ways. For example, words of affirmation like saying "I love you" may be something you prioritize, while your partner prefers acts of service, such as helping with bills or chores.

Remember, the investments may look different, but the efforts should be the same.

Communicate your feelings

Communicating your feelings is an important aspect of any relationship. It allows you to express your thoughts and emotions, and helps your partner understand your needs and expectations. Here are some tips to help you communicate your feelings effectively:

Recognize and Accept Your Feelings

It is important to acknowledge that all your feelings are valid and important. Emotions are a natural response to life experiences, and suppressing or denying them can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms and unresolved conflicts. Understand that feelings are neither right nor wrong; they are an essential part of being human. By accepting your feelings, you create a foundation for honest and meaningful interactions with your partner.

Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and privacy are crucial when expressing your emotions. Ensure you have your partner's full attention and avoid discussing sensitive issues when either of you is tired, stressed, or distracted. Finding the right moment can make a significant difference in how your message is received and can increase the likelihood of a productive and empathetic conversation.

Use "I" Statements

The language you use plays a pivotal role in effective communication. Instead of using accusatory "you" statements that can trigger defensiveness, employ "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. For example, say, "I feel hurt when I don't hear from you because it makes me think you're not interested" instead of "You always ignore me." This shift in language fosters understanding and encourages your partner to empathize with your perspective.

Be Mindful of Your Tone and Body Language

Your tone of voice and body language can greatly impact the effectiveness of your communication. Ensure that your body language is open and inviting, with uncrossed arms and comfortable eye contact (where culturally appropriate). Be mindful of your tone and try to speak kindly and assertively. Taking a few deep breaths before starting the conversation can help you approach it with a calmer demeanor.

Listen to Your Partner

Healthy communication involves reciprocity. While expressing your feelings is essential, it is equally important to give your partner the space to share their thoughts and emotions. Be a good listener, reflect on what they are saying, and ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If you struggle with communicating your feelings or feel that your communication issues are impacting your relationship negatively, consider seeking guidance from a relationship counsellor or therapist. They can provide you with additional tools and strategies to improve your communication skills and enhance your relationship.

Be hard to get

Being hard to get is a common dating strategy, but it's important to do it right. It's not about playing games or manipulating the other person. Instead, it's about focusing on yourself and creating a life that's full and interesting. Here are some tips on how to be hard to get in a way that's attractive and engaging:

• Fill up your life This is not about playing hard to get; it's about genuinely having a full and interesting life. Spend time cultivating your interests, hobbies, and passions. Have a schedule that's full and engaging, with activities that absorb your attention, time, and energy. This will make you naturally hard to get because your life is full, and it will also make you more attractive and magnetic to a potential partner.
• Create scarcity Instead of always being available, create a sense of scarcity by having plans and a busy schedule. When a potential partner asks you out, let them know you have plans but offer a shorter alternative. This will leave them wanting more and create a sense of intrigue.
• Avoid being too available While it's important to communicate your interest and make your intentions known, avoid being too available or giving the impression that you're waiting by the phone. This can come across as needy or desperate, which is unattractive. Instead, focus on creating a balanced dynamic where you're both investing in the relationship equally.
• Don't share too much too soon In the early stages of dating, avoid sharing too much about your past relationships or personal issues. This can lead to being friend-zoned or not being seen as a romantic interest. It's important to build a connection and share, but there's a time and place for deeper conversations, and the beginning of a relationship may not be it.
• Don't be too eager While it's great to communicate your interest, avoid chasing or giving the impression that you're putting the other person on a pedestal. This can come across as low self-worth and is unattractive. Instead, focus on building a connection and letting the relationship unfold naturally, without forcing it.
• Invest in yourself The best way to be hard to get is to invest in yourself and your own life. Focus on your goals, passions, and interests. This will make you more interesting and engaging, and it will also ensure that you're not putting all your energy into the other person. It's important to have a life and identity outside of the relationship.

Be a contributor, not a recipient

When it comes to relationships, it's important to remember that it's not about taking but about giving. Being a contributor, rather than a recipient, means focusing on what you can bring to the table and how you can add value to your partner's life. Here are some ways to do that:

Invest in yourself:

As the saying goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup." To be a contributor, you need to first invest in yourself. This means taking care of your own needs, pursuing your passions and interests, and working on your personal growth. When you are happy and fulfilled within yourself, you will have more to offer in a relationship. As relationship coach Melissa Audrey advises, "The best and fastest way to inspire him to [invest more] is for YOU to invest more into YOURSELF."

Bring value to the relationship:

Think about what you can contribute to the relationship that will make your partner's life better. This could be through emotional support, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, or physical touch. Identify your partner's love language and express your love in a way that resonates with them. For example, if your partner values quality time, plan a date night or surprise them with a weekend getaway.

Be a giver, not a taker:

A healthy relationship is built on mutual giving, not on one person constantly taking from the other. Instead of focusing on what you can get from your partner, shift your mindset to what you can give. This could be through small gestures like sending a thoughtful text, listening attentively, or offering a helping hand. Remember, giving doesn't have to be grand or expensive; it's the thought that counts.

Nurture your partner's interests:

Show genuine interest in your partner's hobbies, passions, and goals. Ask them about their day, their dreams, and their challenges. By showing that you care about the things they care about, you become a valuable part of their life. As dating expert Matthew Hussey advises, "Invest a little so that you can test whether you get anything back. And only continue to invest in those who invest in you."

Be a team player:

A relationship is a partnership, and both parties should contribute to its success. Look for ways to support your partner and work together towards common goals. This could be through sharing household responsibilities, making decisions together, or simply being there for each other during difficult times. Remember, you're in it together!

By adopting a contributor mindset, you not only add value to your partner's life but also create a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship for both of you. It's about giving with an open heart, without expecting anything in return, and trusting that the universe will take care of the rest.

Make him feel good

The number one thing that men want when they are in your company is to feel good. It's that simple. They want to feel positive, safe, free, and not judged. They don't want complaints or criticism. They want to feel like they're winning.

So, how do you make a man feel good?

Firstly, it's important to create good feeling moments. These positive experiences will inspire a man's love, energy, and devotion because when you've created a deep heart connection with him, he'll feel safe and compelled to come closer to you. Remember, these good feeling moments are for you to feel good, too. It's not all about him!

Secondly, let go of any attachment to the outcome. Being present and enjoying your time with a man are key. It's the attachment to the outcome that can often derail our success in love. Instead, detach and observe his behavior, and see what comes up.

Thirdly, invest more in yourself. The more you focus on yourself and your own interests and activities, the more attractive and magnetic you'll become to a man. He'll sense your independence and self-worth, and this will make him want to invest in you.

Finally, communicate your feelings, wants, and needs in a feminine way that brings him closer, rather than pushing him away. For example, use positive feeling statements such as "I feel __________…” or “It would feel __________…” rather than making demands or complaints.

By following these tips, you'll create a positive, feel-good dynamic that will make him want to invest in you and the relationship.

Frequently asked questions